It all started 25 years ago. I must’ve been around eight years old when the seed to explore was planted in my heart and it never left.
My brother and sister-in-law traveled to Australia for a year, followed by my sister a few months later. Back then, it was still quite unusual for people to travel for such a long time. It was just before travel really started booming globally, partly due to the rise of the internet. Both times, I went with my mom to the airport to see them off. We had a huge world map hanging in our living room, and whenever they sent an email update (yes, email was the thing), we’d pin their new location and get very excited about it.
One question changed my life
But it was something my sister asked before she left — just one question — that cracked my world open. She asked: ‘Will you join?‘. I remember the exact feeling happening in what must have been a single electric nanosecond. I thought she asked me to join them to Australia, while of course, she asked me to come say goodbye. Suddenly, the possibility of discovering the world excisted. From that day on, I had recurring dreams for years and years: I was on an airplane, even though I had never set foot on a plane before.
The dreams kept coming until I was about 18 and almost finished high school. Meanwhile, my aunt, uncle, and cousins from my father’s side moved to New Zealand. And instead of making plans to study like my friends did, all I could feel was this deep, undeniable longing pulling at me.
So I asked my family if I could come over. They said yes. And honestly, it was the best decision I ever made.
Years passed and the dreams continued: I knew I had to go back.
One month after my 20th birthday, I took my savings, my flower-stickered suitcase, my wannabe Uggs, and my pink Amsterdam hoodie — and finally sat on a plane for the very first time in my life. It was incredible. Even the airplane food tasted heavenly.
Eight months later, I returned home with a completely expanded perspective of life, like every 20-er have after they travel.
But even though I was home, I couldn’t let it go. I studied. I worked. Years passed… and the dreams continued. I knew this wasn’t over: I had to go back.
It was one of the first things I told my husband when we started dating. And as the steady Taurus he is, he nearly fainted at the thought of leaving the comfort of his home to sleep in pre-warmed bunk beds in cheap hostel rooms drinking instant coffee.
Then, two years ago — after many more years of obsessing over this New Zealand experience that had touched my heart and soul so deeply I can’t even explain it — I FINALLY went back. This time with my husband.
The moment I stepped out of Auckland Airport, it was as if my whole body could breathe again. I felt alive in a way that’s hard to describe. The question whether I had romanticized the whole experienced or it was actually correct all this time was YES… it felt exactly the same as before. This was when I knew.
Tears covered my cheeks when we had to leave again. Because something happens to me when I’m in New Zealand. My whole being is at peace. It’s beyond words.
Follow your heart, even if it doesn’t make sense
It’s two years after my second visit and we’re going again. In four weeks, we’ll be leaving for a few months to the other side of the world. I’m following this magnetic pull with a huge question mark about where my heart and life is leading me — but with full certainty that it means something. At least it’s meant to move me.
Over the coming months, I’ve decided to share pieces of this journey with you. It is deeply personal, vulnerable and also exciting. A full-body step outside the comfort zone. I truly don’t know what’s coming. But what I do know is that living is meant to be being alive — not staying still.
Trust me, I’ve tried so hard to push this feeling away because I thought it would be easier to live a “normal life.” or it may be delusional. An not only that: it was a covered up excuse not to face my fears.
But you can’t. It’s like trying to force two magnets together on the wrong sides — the energy flow simply pushes you toward where you’re meant to go.
The biggest lesson learned lately is to let fear be your guide
The only reason we resist the flow is essentialy fear.
And in my case, resisting started to feel uncomfortable mentally, emotionally, and physically. Life was trying to move me, and I wasn’t listening (excuses make sick like one of my teachers Jose Manchado said).
Because what about a steady income? What about building a family in my 30’s? What about security? What about the known?
Years pass by and still the mind is never satisfied, even in int’s most comfortable as it can be.
But here’s the thing: life only truly happens in the unknown. And there’s a whole world opening up for you (literally) when you realise that the only thing that is holding you back, are the non existing prison bars created by expansion fear.
And I’ve decided to show up for it.
Let fear be your guide, as Ian Andersen beautifully explains in one of his inspiring blogposts with that exactly that title.
I truly, deeply hope from the bottom of my being that this inspires you to do the same, too. Live your life and do the thing.
Thank you so much for reading. Keeping you posted about the latest updates and please feel free to share your experiences too!
